Imagine a beautiful, intricate tapestry with vibrant colors and textures woven together, sprawling out in every direction without end. As you lean in and study a small section of this tapestry, the fibers fortify, the colors grow brighter, the texture intensifies, some threads even shift in and out of existence so the image woven in the tapestry changes slightly. This tapestry lives and breathes. This tapestry responds to you. This tapestry is you. More specifically, it’s your brain. Billions of neurons forming a network, all for the purpose of communicating, in a collective effort to live and flourish within and without the physical body. The intricacies of the brain and nervous system are impressive, but taking full advantage of its design is quite simple with a bit of knowledge, awareness and commitment coupled with one powerful concept:
What you focus on, takes root. What you ignore, dries up.
Your body is incredibly efficient. Just like when you workout, your vascular system (arteries and veins) and neuromuscular system (nerves and muscles) expand into areas that you are taxing during a workout. Your biceps get stronger from bicep curls, your glutes lift and firm after squats. You get the picture. Well, your brain operates the same way.
Here’s how this works on a very fundamental level. You hold a particular belief about something. Let’s say you believe, “You aren’t pretty enough,” and this is a deeply imbedded (old) belief you acquired while you were in elementary school. Maybe you aren’t even aware of the exact thought, as it exists deeply in your subconscious. One afternoon during recess, one of the girls from your class teased you because your teeth were crooked. Being raised by parents who adored you, the idea that you were any less than perfect or your teeth were not as they should be was a shocking moment of realization for you. You snuck into the bathroom after recess to inspect your mouth and found gaps between your front four teeth. Maybe it didn’t feel totally ugly to you, but a part of you wanted to have friends and be loved so you agreed with them that your teeth were wrong. Your brain formed this thought pattern in that instance. Your neurons, like an obstacle course, established this patterned way of thinking. When you got home, you asked your mom for braces. To your dismay, it wasn’t financially possible. So, you were “ugly” for a little while.
And this belief settled into you like water seeps into the ground during a rainstorm…flowing in wherever the earth gives way and allows it. From this shadow of a thought, your brain ran this obstacle course-like thought pattern like a circuit…looping over and over and over again when situations regarding your appearance came up or was scrutinized and objectified. The synaptic activity (the lightning bolt firing between neurons that sends the information along) that was present when you had these thoughts acted as wheels on a cart creating grooves in the earth’s surface. Over time, repetition made these grooves deep enough that steering your cart off this path was and is nearly impossible without first some awareness of the fact. But, therein, lies your redemption.
You CAN rewire your thought patterns. You can toss out the obstacle course. Your self-limiting, deeply held, deeply grooved beliefs can change. And with it, your entire sense of Self and your entire existence. Will it be easy? Instaneous? That’s a big NO. But it’s worth it.
Take a minute and consider your life up until this moment. Jot down any memories that stick out as particularly significant. A moment of upset or trauma, some seemingly innocuous exchange with a guy in high school, an embarrassing moment…no judgment, just write down what comes up trusting there is a reason your mind brought it to the surface. When you feel satisfied that you’ve recalled any significant moments that are ready to surface and this activity feels finished, set the paper aside.
Now. The question of how to change these deeply held beliefs and thought patterns. This process is based on the concept of neuroplasticity.
Neu-ro-plas-tic-i-ty (noun) – the ability of the brain to form and reorganize synaptic connections, especially in response to learning or experience or following an injury or trauma.
Fundamentally, neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to increase or decrease neural connectivity. Also referred to as Neural Darwinism, our brain will prune or weed out the weak or underused neural circuits so the heavily used and highly functioning circuits can expand and strengthen. Our goal, then, is to find mindful-based practices and activities that will strengthen the positive, life-promoting neural pathways. Below, is an awesome way you can learn to attach positive thoughts to experiences, relationships and circumstances that bring you joy or should at least be perceived as joyful to strengthen that neural pathway and when negative ones come up, help you shift your focus, thus weakening that neural pathway and, eventually, abandoning it for good.
Let’s say you wake up in the morning with a feeling of dread or resentment or even worse…that quiet, almost imperceptible apathy that you’re blind to most days. These thoughts and feelings might be associated with your current job or relationship. Whatever it is, safe bet you have a neural circuit running unbeknownst to you. There’s likely a whole pile of them running the show in various areas of your life. Look back at that list you made! Now that you’re aware of these patterns, ideas, beliefs, emotions, it’s a lot easier to start noticing when they turn on or take hold throughout your day.
So that’s step ONE. Take notice. Write it down. Journaling is incredibly illuminating for many, many reasons and this is just one.
Ok, now you have a list of self-limiting beliefs and you’re starting to become aware of when your limiting beliefs (and their associated emotions) creep in throughout the day. This is amazing. So, what’s next?
Now, when one of those beliefs pops up, like, “I’m not pretty enough,” while you brush your teeth at the bathroom mirror, you can karate chop that shit and toss it aside and replace the thought with something else. Something much better. Like…”Dang, look at those plump lips and long eyelashes. I’m so striking and beautiful.” Whatever the negative thought is, replace it. ASAP. Keep doing it. It may seem silly or inconsequential. But, overtime, you are filling in the dirt on those worn in tracks and finding a much better road to coast along.
True story about me. When I first started hot yoga many, many years ago, I would force myself to stand at the front of the room in my little sports bra and shorts. I never let myself stand in the back row or throw on a t-shirt to make myself more comfortable. I stood there for 90 minutes staring at my face, the soft area around my belly button, the curves at the top of my athletic thighs that by today’s standards may or may not (time’s are changing!) afford me an affiliation with a sexy yoga brand. I’m not overweight. I’m actually more petite than I probably realize thanks to years of critical dance and cheer coaches. BUT I still saw flaws. I saw the crookedness of my ribcage from injuries, thick calves and short, stubby legs. SO, I STOOD THERE STARING AT MYSELF for months and months with a loop of positive thoughts on repeat. My mind was so resistant to loving myself and my flaws and I forced her to look and smile and say nice things. And then one day, my lovely tummy was this incredible thing that would one day feed my babies during pregnancy (yes that’s what the fat concentrated in that area is for!) and my thighs were tone and athletic and beautiful, not stubby at all. And my face was mine. And I started to see my dad and my mom in my various features, which was so, so lovely. I still practice this mindfulness every time I have a negative thought. And I’m much happier and more confidence. And, even better, my focus is less about my physical appearance and more about my Self as a spiritual being and how I relate to other spiritual beings who just happen to have their own physical bodies. We can celebrate the body without tying our entire self-worth to it.
Now, let’s take a look at your list. Next to each limiting belief, see if you can explore and expand on it. Is there more to it? Did it happen more than once? Is there a singular or repeated incident that made you believe it? Did you go into agreement with it or flip it and go in the polar opposite direction? Take your time to explore this and see what comes up. Then, on a new piece of paper, write down a positive thought or belief that negates the negative, deeply held belief. Once you finish writing each one, go back to the top. Read each and every one carefully, allowing all the positive emotions, beautiful images, exciting circumstances that come to mind to fully bloom.
Have this experience for real! You may want to keep these somewhere accessible like your purse or bedside journal. You may want to burn the negative beliefs symbolizing your willingness to release them into the Ether. I have a beautiful Moon Ceremony for releasing pain & self-limiting beliefs and healing wounds that I do – LMK if you’d like that sent to you in an email! You may also want to include Tapping, aka Emotional Freedom Technique, as a way to expedite rewiring these neural circuits. If you’re not familiar with this technique, let me know! It’s powerful stuff backed by science. You can also choose to share these with a trusted, supportive person like a sibling, friend, therapist, life coach. I believe a trust-worthy Sounding Board can help you work out a lot of stuff that typically lives only in your head 🙂
Here’s a quick (fictional) example of the above exercise because I’m a visual person and you might be too!
Limiting Belief:
I AM A FAILURE.
Exploration:
I want to be successful, but I have trouble following through. I’m afraid that if I do my best and don’t succeed that it will prove that I’m a failure. Every time I start something awesome there is always something that distracts me, that requires my immediate attention and eventually I forget about it or realize I have too many other things to take care of. I remember wanting to start a company in college and I had so many great ideas, but I never did anything with it. I remember my mom telling me to put my best foot forward. To always make a good impression. To never give less than my best. I remember in middle school I turned in a project that I thought was awesome and I made a bad grade. My teacher told me that I needed to try harder or I would fail. I remember when I was really young my grandpa was helping me bait a hook and I didn’t do it right. He told me to give it to him so I didn’t mess it up. Another time, I told my parents I wanted to be in a band and they said I couldn’t do that because no one makes it and I would fail and I would be poor with no backup plan. I am afraid to fail because I don’t want to be judged or seen as a failure. It matters to me what people think of me so I choose not to do too much so I’m safe…
New Positive Belief:
I AM BRAVE AND SUCCESSFUL AND I’M A BETTER PERSON B/C OF MY PERCEIVED “FAILURES”.
Exercise for REWIRING…
Wake up and state:
I AM BRAVE AND SUCCESSFUL AND I’M A BETTER PERSON B/C OF MY PERCEIVED “FAILURES”.
Feel fear to act and state:
I AM BRAVE AND SUCCESSFUL AND I’M A BETTER PERSON B/C OF MY PERCEIVED “FAILURES”.
Make a mistake and state:
I AM BRAVE AND SUCCESSFUL AND I’M A BETTER PERSON B/C OF MY PERCEIVED “FAILURES”.
And when you make these statements try to muster up positive feelings like you’re expanding in all directions, you’re made of light, you’re buzzing with golden electricity. Make positive emotional associations with these statements. And then repeatedly state them as you take actual – tangible steps in whatever direction you were afraid to move in previously so the chains are broken and new patterns establish themselves in the mind, the body and the heart!
To Spiritual Alchemy! Xx
Kirstin
SOURCES:
https://elifesciences.org/articles/19886