For a lot of us, our go-to for self-healing often looks like caring for our physical body. What’s your favorite way to relax? A massage, a long bath, your favorite movie with a bowl of that ridiculous Brown Butter Almond Brittle Jeni’s makes? Don’t act like you don’t know.
Caring for your physical body is absolutely worth your attention, time and money. But there’s a lot of research (and your own intuition, right?!) that suggests you might also want to prioritize your mental, emotional & spiritual bodies’ well-being, too. In fact, the two work synergistically for overall well-being, aka LIVIN’ THAT GOOD LIFE!
Recently, convos with my girlfriends have centered around this idea of healing and honoring the needs of the spirit, which includes our emotional and mental faculties. You’ve probably spent lots of time and money on relaxation through stimulating or de-stimulating your physical body, but you’re left still feeling a bit empty or overwhelmed in your Spiritual Cup, yah? I know I have.
The massage was great, but that stressful situation at work with your boss, your friend’s all buying houses & having babies or that feeling of failure because your baby won’t stop screaming is still hanging above you whispering, “fiiiiix meeee.” Maybe it’s even screaming?!
Ok. So, how do you actually heal and move forward from those chaotic, crippling or frustrating moments that seem to pull you down like rocks tied to your ankles as you swim in the beautiful sea of LIFE?
If you read my last post about neuroplasticity, then you already understand that your brain is adaptable with some effort on your part. You can REWIRE your brain so that what once caused you pain and chaos is less prevalent in your mind and life. And THAT is a huge step in this process. From there, it’s really about better understanding how your brain receives and processes positive and negative experiences and discovering a “default setting” that is likely preventing you from healing and moving forward. I have two techniques, backed by science, that have served me well in recent months that I’ll describe below.
Your brain. It does A LOT of stuff. Imagine a desktop computer with its screen, processor, keyboard, etc. Your brain is the processing center (PC) of your body (Computer) and is responsible for sending, receiving and interpreting messages. When you experience physical pain or pleasure, when you are posed with a difficult decision and need to weigh your options, when you fall in love, get upset, twist yourself into a yoga pose on foot…all of these things are handled by your brain through its connection with your nervous system that branches out through your entire body.
Each area of the brain is assigned a job. Sometimes the jobs overlap for efficiency. They always communicate and rely on each other for efficacy. Naturally, when you make changes in one area you can bet that other areas of the brain will also be effected, for better or worse.
For today, we’ll focus on the amygdala in the Cerebrum. It’s your EMOTIONAL CONTROL CENTER as part of the greater Limbic System. Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk refers to it as the brain’s “smoke detector.”1 If you get cut off in traffic and start screaming as your chest tingles and face turns red, your amygdala is in all-out war mode and your body is responding accordingly. Although we’re all wired differently, for most of us, it will take several hours to clean up the hormonal mess that just took place and reach that state of calm again. And to compound matters, this response shuts down your prefrontal cortex, where rational, higher thinking and expression of your personality takes place. Essentially, you turn into the more depraved animal side of yourself! BEEN THERE.
However, if you’ve established a mindfulness practice, you’re much more aware of your body and can step in before your amygdala hijacks your system. So, you might get cut off and, instead, take a deep breath, shake your head and laugh to yourself at how silly and dangerous that was and continue driving safely on your way. You stepped in and your amygdala had a minimal fear response and your body was virtually unscathed by the incident. Doesn’t this sound MUCH BETTER than losing your shit?!
Worth noting, there is also a nefarious pathway that can mimic this in dealing with the “fight or flight” response and it’s far more pervasive than you might realize. For YEARS, this was my way of dealing with stress and fear. It’s called AVOIDANCE and it looks like this…
The funny thing is I pretended like I was “fine” and was tooootally dealing my “negative” emotions. I pretended I was unaffected by negative situations…that I handled them far better than most people. But then my physical body started manifesting this fear in unwanted ways. I was FORCED to reflect internally and re-evaluate my entire way of dealing with stress and “unwanted emotions.”
Our society is plagued by this cultural phenomenon that demands we share ONLY our best life and project this outward appearance of perfection. Are you constantly in a “PR” state of mind? PR meaning Public Relations, your public image. It’s tricky finding balance between wanting things to be beautiful in and around yourself and being real with your Self and others in an authentic way.
It’s OK to be badass, physically fit, beautiful, smart AF and wildly creative. BECAUSE YOU ARE. But it’s EQUALLY OK to make mistakes, lose your temper, eat that inflammatory dessert, go without makeup on an Instastory, share that photo of you with the double chin and celebrate imperfection. BECAUSE YOU ARE. Being human is an act of balance and a willingness to just be you in whatever state you are at this moment – KNOWING that in this authenticity you also afford yourself the ability TO CHANGE because you haven’t bound yourself to any specific (and hard to maintain) ideal image.
Let’s circle back. We’ve established 2 ways of dealing with our emotional and physical responses to our internal and external environment. I’m adding a third that has been life-changing for me.
- Learning and adopting a mindfulness practice.
- Sticking your head in the sand, suppressing emotions.
- Feeling the shit out of whatever you’re experiencing.
My experience is that adopting a combination of 1 and 2 is the healthiest and most realistic. Because 2 just sucks and, seriously, who’s gonna perfectly integrate that mindfulness practice from day 1? Also, 1 and 2 are very closely tied, as you’ll see below.
So, here’s how these methods work.
With mindfulness, it’s about becoming aware. Staying present and witnessing what is happening in your mind and body. Being honest about it and brave enough to look. Let’s you say you wake up in the morning, make the perfect cup of tea, get back in bed in that delicious warm spot that still lingers from your peaceful night of rest and you enjoy this moment alone before the day begins. It’s just so lovely. And then your mind wanders as you reflect on your 7-year relationship with your partner who seems to love you, but can’t commit in the way you are ready to. Suddenly, that peaceful state you were in as you sipped your tea dissolves and, in its place, a quiet anxiety hums. Maybe you buy into the crazy notion that you are “too needy” (I love you, but please refer to last post on Neuroplasticity and self-limiting beliefs) or you reassure yourself that they just need time. They love you. But they need to find their own way to long-term commitment in their own time. Look again. Is your SUBTLE body reacting to a subconscious desire to LEAVE THIS PERSON because intuitively you know they aren’t reciprocating your love? The answer isn’t always crystal clear, but IT IS there. Your body, mind and spirit are working together to make this amazing life, but you have to give credence to every part of you. As you start to become more aware, your decisions to change or sustain your life circumstances are illuminated so brightly there is no chance for misinterpretation. Will it take courage and strength? Absolutely. But you’re awake and now it’s simply, Intentional Choosing.
With the third approach, fully feeling, it’s about allowing yourself to have an emotional experience and withholding judgement about its qualitative state. JUST FEEL WHATEVER YOU’RE FEELING. Let’s say you’re still in that relationship that feels slightly unreciprocated. It’s just enough to feel shitty about, but not enough to up and leave someone for. Or so you believe. You feel a bit EMPTY inside when you consider how you imagined your BIG LOVE would feel. Maybe there are no painfully obvious signs that things aren’t working. Maybe there are and you’re avoiding them, but you can’t shake this feeling that bubbles up on occasion. In spite of it, you work desperately to shove it all down. You rationalize why you stay. You convince yourself that every other relationship would have something missing. Whatever your circumstance…here’s the thing…when you avoid it, you aren’t getting rid of it. You’re wedging it deep down into a crevice that gets harder to confront as time goes by.
Instead, FEEL IT. Let yourself cry it out in a bathtub. Feverishly write it down in a journal. Weep in child’s pose in your yoga class. Curl up in a loved one’s lap. Sit in your car and melt into a puddle of tears that alternates between terrifying screams. I know it sounds maniacal. But it’s not. Maniacal is suppressing these emotions. Once you allow yourself to WALK THROUGH the turbulent storm of emotions, you float out the other side brighter, lighter and more in tune with WHAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT. Upshot, you also avoid the destruction and disease this causes physically when you shove things into dark crevices. Sit in the light. And then, check back in with that first approach, MINDFULNESS, so you can intentionally choose a different life circumstance from a place of authenticity and self-love.
Tell me some of the ways YOU practice Self-Healing for your Mental, Emotional & Spiritual Bodies?
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